Depression...or

is it just the life of being a trucker? I got home last Saturday and to put it mildly, I'm wasted. I went out again this Wednesday to deliver a coil up to Lake City, FL and then returned to the house. I have little or no motivation to do anything other than sit in "my" black chair in our living room. Sometimes I watch tv, other times I'll read a book or magazine and the rest of the time, I'm sleeping. Talking to other OTR truckers this is pretty much the same "hometime" scenario with them. But, I think it is more than that. I am scared, afraid - unwilling to even think about anything beyond sitting in that black chair. It does not matter that I'm out of the bad weather - I live in Florida where the temperature tomorrow will be in the high 70's. So what? I live 90 miles from Disney World, about 15 miles from one of the highest rated beaches in the world and am surrounded by a plethora of good food, entertainment and sports. And none of it matters to me. I might as well be living in Siberia. I would like nothing more than to fall asleep and stay asleep - to not wake up and deal with anything or anyone. Life right now is complicated. I'm in a constant state of "overwhelm." The few things I might want to do, I don't feel comfortable expressing. Everyone around me seems to be playing games. I can be sitting or standing and my heart will start to pound for no reason. Someone or something is flicking my emotional switch up and down, up and down. I get short of breath just writing this. I'm due to go back on the road next Thursday. I watch the time as if that day is my execution day. I feel trapped without any clue as to how to escape this hell I'm in. What I am going to do is "journal" how I feel for the next few days. Perhaps if you feel like I do, you will know you're not alone. I know that there are times I will talk to another driver and realize that he is experiencing the same feelings I am. It does offer some comfort that I know I'm not alone.

Well, it seems...

you just can't be assassinated these days without everyone arguing about the "how." They just put her in the ground - now they're going to dig her up. The poor woman's dead. But was she blown up? Was she shot? Did she smash her head on the roof of the van which was blown up? JFK and Princess Di revisited. Was it Osama, the Taliban, the CIA? Perhaps Israel? Holy smokes! She certainly had lousy security. The minute she made our news after she resurfaced, I knew it was only a matter of time before she was "knocked off." I don't know much about Pakistan, but "they" don't seem much different than the rest of the Middle East. No respect for human rights, an unhealthy over reliance on religious nonsense and nuclear weapons in the wrong hands. The guy in the photo obviously took the day off from his job (sheep herder?) to dress in his PJ's and jump over fire. I don't think it's a Tony Robbins kind of thing. I'm surprised he's not burning a flag, stoning some poor woman or sacrificing a lamb. Don't we have so many more important things here in the U.S. to worry about?

Merry Christmas folks!

Are you (not) going to vote

for this candidate solely on the basis that he is Black? Part of my job as a journalist is to watch, listen and observe. Obviously (also) as a OTR driver, I have a lot of time to hear and read what is being said out there. I digest what is being said on the radio, on the docks, in the truck stops and everywhere else my job takes me. I have been following this man for a few years now. I actually don't think of him as Black or African-American, but as a man. I like him. I think he has a great sense of humor. I think he can think on his feet. I think he has common sense. I don't know if he would make a good President. I don't care what Oprah thinks of him. I don't know if Hillary or Rudy would make a good President. But if you are going to vote for someone else and not him on the basis that he is Black is simply absurd. You're wasting your vote. Take your anger, ignorance and prejudice elsewhere. Right now, for my money, I think he might be a very able Vice-President.

23 months in jail

for utter total stupidity. As he was funding his dog fighting gambling operation, did he once think that, if found out, he would get in serious trouble? He was a multi-million dollar star professional NFL football player. He was a celebrity. At what point did he decide that this was not enough for him. He now has almost two years behind bars to think about it. Perhaps when he gets out, he can go to work for Swift, JB Hunt or Werner. Maybe if he finds "Jesus", he can go to work for Covenant Transport.

Curious why the Sirius/XM merger

is taking so damn long? In today's Los Angeles Times we get some insight by staff writer Jim Puzzanghera: "The FCC was slated to consider controversial proposals dealing with potential new cable TV regulations and increasing women and minority ownership of broadcast stations. Journalists, lobbyists and spectators waited as the five commissioners on the fractious panel wrangled over the issues eight floors above. When they finally showed up for the public session -- nearly 12 hours late -- the few spectators remaining had front-row seats for the sniping and accusations that are threatening to become hallmarks of FCC meetings. Critics usually blame (FCC Chairman) Martin, a soft-spoken (Bush appointed) Republican known as a political tactician who has accomplished the rare feat of being criticized by all four of his fellow commissioners. He is also facing a congressional inquiry into the FCC's procedures and allegations of flawed research studies, suppressing data, ignoring public input and holding hearings with minimal notice."The FCC appears to be broken," Rep. John D. Dingell (D-Mich.), chairman of the House Energy and Commerce Committee, said during a hearing last week. Congressional Democrats' growing frustration with Martin could hinder his agenda. Last week, for example, a Senate committee passed legislation to delay Martin's planned vote this month on loosening media ownership rules. In an interview, Martin said he was under fire for trying to force the FCC to deal with controversial topics. "It's not unusual for there to be tension in trying to work them out."FCC employees and people who frequently deal with the agency said tensions were bogging down the panel. Reviews of corporate mergers and sales frequently stretch longer than the six months the agency aims for. Critics have complained that important issues -- such as the 2009 transition to digital television and reforming a fund that subsidizes phone and Internet service for low-income and rural residents -- are taking a back seat to bickering." Can you say acourtesyflush?

This moron, despite my...

sending him the entire outline of the FL turnpike, once again did not include any of the exits in the new '08 issue. I sent him an official FL turnpike map, the services available, the tolls for cars, RV's and trucks. As far as this UT based editor is concerned, the FL turnpike does not exist. Just like an editor. I said it before, and I'll say it again: an editor and a writer were lost and thirsty in the desert. Finally, they see a small pond. They both rush over. The writer bends down to take a needed drink. The editor pulls down his fly and starts to pee. The writer says what are you doing? The editor says I'm making it better.

Technology (?)

The current state of technology is both confusing and frustrating. Let's start with cell phone service. I use the company that you see on television that has some nerdy looking guy being followed by a whole team of technicians and support personnel. We are led to believe these folks provide us with the greatest most reliable cell phone service on the planet. Completely untrue. Until I can drive on every interstate with uninterrupted service there is no such thing as nationwide coverage. I will be 35 miles from Birmingham and have no cell service. Right now I am in Ft. Chiswell VA and cannot send a photo message. Many times text messaging is unavailable. None of other services are any better. Yet at the same time, my Sirius radio is receiving a strong signal from a satellite somewhere out in space no matter where I am, other than in a tunnel. So I ask, when are the cell phone companies going to start providing satellite cell phone as well as text messaging and photo sending service? Seems to me that cell phone towers are dinosaur technology, but yet they are still be erected. Equally as puzzling is wi-fi service. My laptop was delivered to me with a "card" that receives a relatively low powered (FCC regulated) signal from Flying J, Linksys and others. I have never had any luck with anything Siricom does and I only use the Idle Aire internet service when only absolutely necessary. If I park in the wrong direction or too far away from the "main" building, the service is "spotty." It seems I have to pay for another card and pay a monthly fee for other wi-fi service to get complete coverage. But there is no guarantee that the places I go to will be able to receive such signals. Why should I have to pay for multi wi-fi service when one should provide me with what I need no matter where I am. Right? Well, back to the satellites. Why hasn't someone sent up a bunch of satellites to provide access nationwide (or worldwide) to the internet? Actually, they should combine phone, texting, photo and internet services from satellites. So let's move onto television. I refuse to drive around with some grey dish attached to some pole on the side of my truck. I will not stand out in the snow attaching wires and pointing the dish thing somewhere southward to pick up a signal. And pay another monthly fee for service. Receiving "regular" television with some cheap truck stop tv antenna is next to impossible. I only use my television to watch the VHS tapes my wife records for me. Yep, you guessed it, why isn't there satellite television - and I'm not referring to the kids tv service that Sirius offers. And no that dish network is not real satellite tv. Again, while I'm receiving perfect Sirius satellite radio service parked in a dark cloudy lightning storm, the (satellite) tv signals get screwed up and you lose reception. So much for that big game you were watching. Why not shoot up there a bunch of large mega satellites up that can provide uninterrupted service for the whole kit n' caboodle. That would certainly make my life easier. More to come...

Feeling cramped in your...

Kenworth, Pete, International, Kenworth or Volvo? Well the "apartment" pictured above will set you back $665,000! The mirror panels in the "living room" makes the place look larger. These photos are from the real estate advertising section of The New York Times. Do you like the terrific view of the apartment building across the street? The kitchen and bathroom are not appealing to me at all. At least my KW "home" is on wheels and the scenery is constantly changing. I suppose if you can come up with the bucks for this place, you would have a little left over to modernize it. I once met the owner of a large freight forwarding firm based out in San Francisco. He and his wife owned a place like this, which they used instead of a hotel room to come to NYC and see the Broadway shows. Back then it probably cost a 1/3 of today's price, and it would have made a great investment. Guess what, if I knew then what I know now, well, I wouldn't be writing this blog from the back of my KW. By the way, we're at the FJ off I81 in Ft. Chiswell, VA. It is dark and too warm for this time of year.

Beautiful day...

here west of Charleston SC. Delivered to Nucor - the steel giant - this morning. Although there were plenty of outbound coil loads there, most were 500 miles or less. I will pick up in the AM in Ridgeville SC right off I26. The Pilot T/S at x199 is a joke with about 5 parking spaces. It's a gas station with a CAT scale. Wednesday I should be up in Delta OH. All I'm thinking about is getting home for Christmas on/about the 21st. I'm parked right now at a Wal-Mart. I would spend the night here, but won't because there is no guarantee some dip shit security guard will not bother me. By the way, Charleston is a beautiful place. If I thought my wife could get a good teaching job here, I would consider moving. Florida is getting on my nerves again. Hey, did you listen to some of the "new" Imus radio show? Yes, he's back on the air after his firing because of his insulting the Rutgers Women's Basketball Team. I truly don't care about Imus - I never listened to him, never thought him particularly entertaining and will basically forget about him when I finished with this posting. I do not think he should have been fired for what he said, and he knows unless he moves over to satellite he will have to watch his p's and q's. I do think it ridiculous that he added to his "crew" a black female comedian. Another dumb politically correct idea by some overpaid marketing consultant. Whatever. Beautiful pink wispy sunset now over the parking lot. A slight breeze. Sounds of the interstate in the distance. Christmas lights on the trees in the motel parking lights. I am definitely in the holiday spirit. Three more weeks of bullshit to content with (I sigh deeply). The wife just called to tell me how stupid the traffic is near our house. Uggg. Be safe out there drivers!

Winter is here...

Dec. 1 right on schedule. So much for global warming. I just left FL this past Tuesday. I went up to CT to deliver and reload. Tonight I'm at the T/A off I-95 headed down to Huber SC. I try to stay out of the Northeast, but sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do, as the saying goes. 48 hours into the winter and cars, planes and trucks are sliding all over the place and into each other. If I could I turn in my truck keys and go home every night like "normal" people, believe me, I would. Problem is that every time I try "things" get screwed up. Actually what happens is I end up working for some clown (from OH) who has little or no self confidence. Some how he (actually his family) has turned some dumb idea into a successful business. Everyone that works for them are slaves and pawns - people to be abused and underpaid. Remember FL is a right to work state. That translates into a 70+ hour 6 day work week. If you're lucky, you might get health insurance and some benefits. It sucks. Bottom line is, I'm not tired of driving a truck, I'm tired of the careless 4-wheelers, the unpaid waiting time, the idiots in safety, tarping, bad weather, the unprofessional truckers, the dingy trucks stops and so on and so forth. If you're a OTR driver, you know the routine. Don't know what the answer is right now, but I'm working on it. Slow down, stop tailgating and take care of yourselves.