This has been a stressful day for me. It started with my wife’s car breaking down. The calls started soon after I woke up - before I had my first cup of coffee. Right after “discussing” possible solutions to that problem, my stomach began to hurt. Add in all the meds (antibiotics) I’m putting in my system for various ailments (ear infection) and the crazy traffic and construction on I30/I35 thru Texas and by about 11am, my stomach was in a lot of pain.
I had been listening to county music and for some reason it was annoying me. The news was worse. So, for a complete change of pace, I started listening to Howard Stern interview Shawna Lanee .
Just as I turned it on I stupidly decided to start munching on a bag of Sweet ‘n Salty Chex Mix Trail Mix. I kept eating this stuff and once I started I couldn’t stop. You think it was stress? Well, yah.
Anyway, she (Shawna) started talking about her love of girls. Kiss’n ‘em, touch’n ‘em, lov’n ‘em. I kept on stuffing the “mix” in. It seems she likes to invite men in to watch her dominate other women. She likes the guy to sit in the corner and pleasure himself. Munch, crunch, munch. Open the bag wider.
Stern asks if she will take off her shirt and bra. Classic Stern – he wants to see her breasts. Munch,munch, munch. What about those pants?, the producer asks. Crunch, crunch. Hey, what about the Sybian. “Oh, I looooove the Sybian – anything with a plug attached, I just loooove”, she says. Crunch, crunch, crunch, stuffing more and more in my mouth.
I had opened the bag originally for a light snack. The bag was now 3/4 empty. Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmm, goes the Sybian. Stern says to “take it up to 100%.” Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch. Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I’m now shoveling the “mix” in my mouth, not realizing what I’m doing. Seems I’m on a mission to finish the bag as quickly as humanly possible.
“Oh, ah, oooo, ah, oooo – this is sooooooo fun – oh, ah!” Crunch, crunch. I sound more like a beaver now. If someone handed me a branch, I would have consumed it. Lenee is really into sitting on the thing. She lets out a series of little “girly” laughs. Heeee, hee, heee. Munch, crunch, crunch, munch. My mouth resembles a blowfish filled with little tiny nuts, raisins, little mini round pretzels and miniature chocolate multi-colored M&M like thingy’s.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I’m cuming, I’m cuming she says. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh – laugh, heee, hee, hee. Oooo, my legs are shaking. I can’t stand up. My panties are…..
Holy shit. The damn bag is almost empty. She had a great time and I’m now being hit with horrible stomach pains. I feel like I’m going to die. OMG! What the hell am I going to do? Jesus.
Oooooo, where are my clothes? That’s her talking not me. I see a Love’s ahead. Me again. Oooo, my panties. Her. Shit, I turn off the satellite radio.
Thank goodness there is 1 space left in this shitty little truck stop. I don’t know where I am and it doesn’t matter. I back in to the space and shut the engine down. I have 300 more miles to Laredo. I feel like shit. I’m getting sicker by the second. And this crappy rusting steel is gonna get there when it gets there. I’m dying here.
I grab my wallet and get the hell out of the truck. I’m dizzy. I make it inside the Love’s. I buy some low fat chocolate milk and find a seat. I sit. I put my head down on my folded arms on the table.
After about 15 minutes, I’m feeling a little better. I just wanna go to bed or something. Ever hear the expression, too much, too much? I’ve got too much shit going down right now. I’m worried about too many things out of my control. I’ve got to regroup.
I’m back in the truck writing this. The engine off, the cool breeze and not having to deal with the traffic is making me feel better. Soon Stern will replay the interview with with Shawna Lanee. Once again, I can hear her taking off her clothes and riding the Sybian. Thank goodness I don’t have any more bags of Chex Mix.
Wait, there is a little left over from before. I think. I must be out of my mind. Naw. I’ll pass. I can hear more with Shawna over the weekend. This time without the mix, for sure.
The photo credit is: http://www.howardstern.com/image.hs?ts=1&i=/RS-02-12-09---shawna-lenee-in-panties--covering-breasts-2.jpg from http://www.howardstern.com/
Other things I’ll talk about tomorrow -
1. Review of hokey John Anthony “Driver Ed” show on Sirius Highway 60 – terrible – he’s calling Darius Rucker a “student” who has to work his way through the “curriculum.” Terrible.
2. I can save “our” government $400 million. Forget STD education. Abstain. Use a condom. Masturbate. Keep it in your pants. Done deal.
3. Prepass. What a freakn’ joke. So far every weigh station I’ve gone through has it off. Today, my damn transponder didn’t even go off. These people are FUBAR.
