Divorce - Why Now?

Long ago and far away – I believe some other writer used that line – God or whomever you think made people – gave us one lifetime to live. For thousands of years, if you’ve followed history, it looks as though “man” messed a lot of things up.

All the religious strife, war, political upheavals, disease, famine and what was a lot of unhappiness, misery, depression and ill will toward each other seemed to prevail. Forget the reasons, it doesn’t really matter. Blame whomever you want if it makes you feel any better.

So, long ago and far away, we all had one life to live. We did the best we could with it. You chose a life partner or were “assigned” one by your parents or elders or whatever they were called back then, moved into something made of rock, stone, mud and wood and tried to put a positive swing on the whole affair. The man farmed, used a spear or bow and arrow or rifle to hunt for food - women had the kids and cooked. We’re told that as time moved forward we “progressed” and our lives became easier. Well, not really.

I want you to consider this. Where we once had a lifetime, we now have TWO – maybe even three. And if you believe that as I, of course, do, then, you know by looking around that people live longer than they ever have and that in the future, more of us could live even longer – maybe into the 100’s. So let’s go back to some period like the Renaissance – the Middle Ages – Michelangelo. The average life expectancy then was 35. 35-50% never reached the age of 16. Think about that. You have until 35, if you’re lucky, to “have” a life. Hard to grasp that, right? Yes it is. That was a lifetime to them, but certainly not to us.

2013, social media, an ever “open” society, transparency, change – constant technological revolution. We want and demand more.  We all have more options than ever. And, we have two lifetimes to do it in. Are we all overjoyed with this paradigm shift of choice and options? No. The life partner with whom you agreed to “forever” with – that relationship – that contract you entered into is, for lack of a better term, old –  tedious. Some think of it as toxic.

The both of you are being barraged by “other” choices 24/7/365 via the internet, television – other people and friends. Women, in particular, have been “supercharged” – empowered - to more than ever before in history go out into the world and make a difference with themselves and for others. Concurrently, men’s role have dramatically changed and the definition of what it is to be a man has yet to be solidified.

So, you get married at 25. Have children. Cultivate your careers. It’s been fun, but do “we” really need each other any more? It’s not like it “was”. I’m bored. I’ve grown as a person. Perhaps you’ve never lived alone before. You’re wondering what it would be like. Maybe you want to relocate into the city and your partner doesn’t. Do you earn twice as much as your husband now and you don’t want to make decisions together anymore? Tired of him being a curmudgeon? Had enough of sports or her crafts occupying the entire living room? He wants children - you don't - and he forgets he's not the one who gets pregnant. The list of reasons for splitting up are endless.

The difference is now you can do something about it. There is no more “stigma” of divorce. For many, religion has taken a back seat in our lives or isn’t even a factor in our life decisions. You’re 40, 50 or 60 and now you’ve got another lifetime in front of you. Do you really want to move on with the same person? Has your first life with this partner been that satisfying? The kids are older, maybe there are drugs, alcohol or other debilitating diseases involved. Sadly there might be abuse or was there infidelity? You want to make you #1 now. You want a new life without the confines marriage. Maybe you want to come out. You want “better” and “more” sex.

I got the “S” word in there finally, didn’t I? I like asking my readers questions, so, why has it been the “accepted” practice, seemingly forever, to be forced into having sex with just one person from the time you say “I do” until you die? Many find that entire premise absurd. No, I do not think someone while in a marriage should have sex “outside” of the partnership. I'm traditional that way. But, we’re human, and we have desires, urges that don’t end when you get married or when you’re 35, 45 or 60 or 70. You’ve found someone else or you want to search for someone else to have sex with, because, no surprise, having sex with same person year after year after year is, well, honestly, not really “natural”.

I said the reasons for divorce are endless. The reasons for staying together have been and continue to lose their validity and value. People want to be happy and that no longer means staying married. The institution itself reminds me of gas stations – I was going to say Blockbuster (have yoou forgotten them already?) first. They’re still around, we surely make of use them, but rapidly in the near future, most of them will disappear and new entities will appear. Marriage remains a tradition, but divorce rates soar and will stay that way, as “we” seek other alternatives, including shorter legal marriage contracts to mirror our now more than one lifetime.