Well, with the calculation that I'm making $.90 cents a hour, I thought I'd "celebrate" my last night here in Lincoln, Nebraska with dinner. This would be my 4th dinner at good 'ole Shoemakers. You'd think these folks might know me by now, but with thousands of truckers pass'n through here every year, there's not much reason to remember me. Besides, other than my gracious demeanor and handsome appearance, I don't have any wild tattoos, you can't see my missing teeth, I don't stink, I dress in clothes that resemble a uniform and I have no good "ole down home stories to tell the waitress, who have probably heard them all before. Anyway, the spot I found a few days ago to separate me from the rest of the "raff", was occupado, so I went back into the lion's den of eating with strangers who are not from the world as we know it. In other words, they're not truckers. Ugg. Everything was going smoothly until my food came. Now I want to remind my readers that I never - ever make this stuff up. I don't have to. I go into eat dinner because I'm hungry, not to get material for my blog. I have tons of other stuff to write about. But, folks, I'm an innocent victim. That's why I always tell my safety department. I just sit there and this stuff happens to me. I can't help it. My only other choice is to live in a bubble on a deserted island somewhere. So in the booth right in front of me comes "them." I'm sorry but it's getting harder and harder to tell whose who these days. In this case, there is the, the, well, he looks really Mexican. I'm tired of politicial correctness - he LOOKS really Mexican. He says little. I just watched an old Clint Eastwood "spaghetti" Western. This guy looks exactly like the bad guys - the bandeetoes - who shoot, hang and torture everybody in some town somewhere south of the border. All he needed was a sombrero and criss-crossing belts with two 45's and lots 'a bullets. This guy was, to say the least, gruff. He's the kind of dude that needs to shave every few hours. He barely sits down and his cell phone goes off. Next comes the chubby white girl, probably about 23. She's carrying a newborn in one of those baby carrier things with the big folding handle. The kid looks like a little version of the the guy sans the moustache. Ok, I can deal with these three, but wait. Here comes another woman, well girl, well who the hell knows? She's about 17. Her face looks older, like she's had a hard life so far. I just know it. Truckers see 'em all the time. You can tell that's she been in and out of some juvi hall somewhere and has done or still does drugs. She has a very large tramp stamp on her lower back. She hair is in braids. No bra, little boobs wearing shirt that is really a little girl's undershirt and way too small jeans that barely cover her butt. And don't tell me that's how the "kids" are wearing 'em these days. Her thong was sticking out and they have some kind of cartoon characters (goofy?) on them! There's nothing sexy or appealing about her. I instantly feel sorry for her and the poor baby. HELP! All I want is to eat my dinner. Pleeease go away and give me some peace. At that moment I just wanted to move or get a "to-go" box and leave. But can I find the waitress? Noooo. They all disappeared in my minute of desperation. Thank goodness the baby is asleep. He's kinda cute. They guy has the cell phone glued to his head. I have no idea, nor do I care what he is saying. He is talking in "Spanish" whispers. Upcoming drug deal? Is one or both of the females for sale? How much for the kid? They order 2 Sprites and water. Then the juvi leaves. Then the freedo bandito leaves still on the phone. The remaining female, left with the baby, finally, after the waitress, who reappears from somewhere and asks twice if "they"want anything and was told "they need" more time, without consulting other two, finally places an order. "We'll have two orders of fries and a bowl of chili with cheese and onions. Oh, and we'll need a bowl of Russian dressing and two bowls of ranch." Okeee. The guy comes back. Juvi comes back. They're all over each other. Where'd they go? Sex in the john while he's on the cell? I don't know. Whose who here? I'm lost. Again, my dinner becomes secondary. I'm in "observe" mode. Their food comes. They devour everything. The baby wakes up. And juvi, like she's at a high school pep rally, for some reason, shouts almost at the top of her lungs (is the baby deaf?) HELLO BABY!!. Everyone in the restaurant turns to look at her. Is she nuts? The other woman, who with her face stuffed with french fries and ranch dressing dripping out of one wide of her mouth was muttering something about how many days she's been clean and sober yells HEY, NOT SO LOUD!! Again juvi shouts, HELLO BABY!! And she goes over to the other side of the booth, across the lap of the other woman and grabs the poor kid. Juvi starts to lift the baby high in the air, then down, then up again - like the kid is on some wild ride at Busch Gardens - spinning "it" around screaming HELLO BABY, HELLO BABY, then, baaaarrrrf - in and all over the salad bar. Just missed me. Then within seconds, pooooop. A really big loud leaky poop. And then, within another split second, a horrific foul odor overtakes the restaurant. Terrorists? No, it's the freedo bandeeto baby, who less than a minute ago was in a sleepy slumber. I felt like yelling FIRE! to get everyone out as quickly as possible. Too late. I barely made it out in time. I held my nose and paid the bill and went back to my truck. The photo is, of course, Clint Eastwood and the credit goes to http://forum.aceboard.net/13459-4747-19485-0-.htm
Monday, September 01, 2008
My "last" dinner in Lincoln...
Well, with the calculation that I'm making $.90 cents a hour, I thought I'd "celebrate" my last night here in Lincoln, Nebraska with dinner. This would be my 4th dinner at good 'ole Shoemakers. You'd think these folks might know me by now, but with thousands of truckers pass'n through here every year, there's not much reason to remember me. Besides, other than my gracious demeanor and handsome appearance, I don't have any wild tattoos, you can't see my missing teeth, I don't stink, I dress in clothes that resemble a uniform and I have no good "ole down home stories to tell the waitress, who have probably heard them all before. Anyway, the spot I found a few days ago to separate me from the rest of the "raff", was occupado, so I went back into the lion's den of eating with strangers who are not from the world as we know it. In other words, they're not truckers. Ugg. Everything was going smoothly until my food came. Now I want to remind my readers that I never - ever make this stuff up. I don't have to. I go into eat dinner because I'm hungry, not to get material for my blog. I have tons of other stuff to write about. But, folks, I'm an innocent victim. That's why I always tell my safety department. I just sit there and this stuff happens to me. I can't help it. My only other choice is to live in a bubble on a deserted island somewhere. So in the booth right in front of me comes "them." I'm sorry but it's getting harder and harder to tell whose who these days. In this case, there is the, the, well, he looks really Mexican. I'm tired of politicial correctness - he LOOKS really Mexican. He says little. I just watched an old Clint Eastwood "spaghetti" Western. This guy looks exactly like the bad guys - the bandeetoes - who shoot, hang and torture everybody in some town somewhere south of the border. All he needed was a sombrero and criss-crossing belts with two 45's and lots 'a bullets. This guy was, to say the least, gruff. He's the kind of dude that needs to shave every few hours. He barely sits down and his cell phone goes off. Next comes the chubby white girl, probably about 23. She's carrying a newborn in one of those baby carrier things with the big folding handle. The kid looks like a little version of the the guy sans the moustache. Ok, I can deal with these three, but wait. Here comes another woman, well girl, well who the hell knows? She's about 17. Her face looks older, like she's had a hard life so far. I just know it. Truckers see 'em all the time. You can tell that's she been in and out of some juvi hall somewhere and has done or still does drugs. She has a very large tramp stamp on her lower back. She hair is in braids. No bra, little boobs wearing shirt that is really a little girl's undershirt and way too small jeans that barely cover her butt. And don't tell me that's how the "kids" are wearing 'em these days. Her thong was sticking out and they have some kind of cartoon characters (goofy?) on them! There's nothing sexy or appealing about her. I instantly feel sorry for her and the poor baby. HELP! All I want is to eat my dinner. Pleeease go away and give me some peace. At that moment I just wanted to move or get a "to-go" box and leave. But can I find the waitress? Noooo. They all disappeared in my minute of desperation. Thank goodness the baby is asleep. He's kinda cute. They guy has the cell phone glued to his head. I have no idea, nor do I care what he is saying. He is talking in "Spanish" whispers. Upcoming drug deal? Is one or both of the females for sale? How much for the kid? They order 2 Sprites and water. Then the juvi leaves. Then the freedo bandito leaves still on the phone. The remaining female, left with the baby, finally, after the waitress, who reappears from somewhere and asks twice if "they"want anything and was told "they need" more time, without consulting other two, finally places an order. "We'll have two orders of fries and a bowl of chili with cheese and onions. Oh, and we'll need a bowl of Russian dressing and two bowls of ranch." Okeee. The guy comes back. Juvi comes back. They're all over each other. Where'd they go? Sex in the john while he's on the cell? I don't know. Whose who here? I'm lost. Again, my dinner becomes secondary. I'm in "observe" mode. Their food comes. They devour everything. The baby wakes up. And juvi, like she's at a high school pep rally, for some reason, shouts almost at the top of her lungs (is the baby deaf?) HELLO BABY!!. Everyone in the restaurant turns to look at her. Is she nuts? The other woman, who with her face stuffed with french fries and ranch dressing dripping out of one wide of her mouth was muttering something about how many days she's been clean and sober yells HEY, NOT SO LOUD!! Again juvi shouts, HELLO BABY!! And she goes over to the other side of the booth, across the lap of the other woman and grabs the poor kid. Juvi starts to lift the baby high in the air, then down, then up again - like the kid is on some wild ride at Busch Gardens - spinning "it" around screaming HELLO BABY, HELLO BABY, then, baaaarrrrf - in and all over the salad bar. Just missed me. Then within seconds, pooooop. A really big loud leaky poop. And then, within another split second, a horrific foul odor overtakes the restaurant. Terrorists? No, it's the freedo bandeeto baby, who less than a minute ago was in a sleepy slumber. I felt like yelling FIRE! to get everyone out as quickly as possible. Too late. I barely made it out in time. I held my nose and paid the bill and went back to my truck. The photo is, of course, Clint Eastwood and the credit goes to http://forum.aceboard.net/13459-4747-19485-0-.htm
