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I've got to talk softly. Come closer. Good. Here's the deal. I'm at the main terminal for the company I work for. This is the mecca, the big kahuna - the corporate office. Here's where all the "suits" are. The folks who have never driven a truck, but think they know everything about trucking. Nobody here has a sense of humor. I hate coming here. I've managed to avoid it for well over a year now. You can say I've managed to stay well under the radar. But I had to come here eventually. The shop had accumulated a long list of things to do to the truck that is impossible to do on the road at a dealer.
I have been here almost 48 hours, kill'n time, not getting paid, waiting for the shop to take me. If I just had to deal with the shop, I guess things wouldn't be that bad. But, in order for a driver to leave the main terminal, they must "clear" safety and fuel conservation. Those are two separate deals - two different corporate wannabees, as I said, with no sense of humor. I just feel really uncomfortable here. This is a place to avoid. We have other terminals. Laredo is the best. I wish I were there.
I drove one of the company cars to the nearby QuickStop to get a couple of sausage biscuits and a large coffee. For "health" reasons coffee and biscuits are not offered at the main terminal. You can get a fruit juice and a peanuty granola bar. That's not breakfast. It's not a meal. So I drove somewhere else close by. I'm standing on line with my sausage, egg and cheese biscuits and a 5000 calorie creamy steaming "high test" cappuccino. And lo and behold, standing next to me, is the disgustingly healthy director of safety dude. He's buying gum. Apparently he eats that with his corporate fruit juice and company approved nutty granola bar. He looks at me. Then I see his eyes move down and look at my biscuits. He says nothing. He thinks he knows me, but he's not sure. I say nothing. He pays. I pay. And we both go our separate ways. I don't think he'll report to the company's health police.
Back at terminal, over the PA, safety is gonna hold a "s a f e t y" meeting. The guy running it, today, is a moron. A former carpenter and pot smoker, he is now the "spokes model" for the safety department. A clown with a CDL. His "official" handle is "fuel manager." The first words out of his mouth are "I don't care if nobody likes me." Hey douche bag, here's a news flash for ya - no doubt about it, nobody likes your flat Okie ass. If this was the wild West, some stage coach driver would have shot ya between your eyes long ago. He used to be the log "Nazi" and was amazingly promoted. He is destined to work for some state DOT somewhere and be the next Monty Dial, senior trooper extraordinaire.
The next 35 minutes are a joke. Bla, bla, bla, bla. You always have 2-3 drivers who always raise their hand, always have a dumb question that extends the already too long meeting even longer. They think they're back in 1st grade. Newbies. Jesus, just shut up, let the pinhead deliver the company line and let's all get back to whatever we all were doing before the PA announcement. I almost fall asleep on my feet. I'm doing the Houdini routine - starting intently at the digital clock on the wall putting myself into a trance. I smell food. That always wakes me up. Looks unhealthy to me. How'd they get it past the guards? I hate this guy so much I won't even touch anything that he ordered. The lunchtime conversation is about some "self-sufficient" jail somewhere. Ug.
I'm back in my cubicle near the vending machines and ATM machine in "stealth" mode. My DM (driver manager) and I are at an interesting point in our relationship. We always speak of getting together and having lunch. But now that I'm here, she's not available. Right now, as I'm talking to you, she is about 35 yards away behind a series of walls and doors. She said to come "back here" and say hello. Well, it works both ways my dear. I don't really care to go into operations and be "stared" at by everyone inside. I don't care to say hello to the Operations Manager, the Director of Operations or the SVP of Operations. Whatever is going on between us, apparently some one on one face time, even for 15 minutes, does not seem possible. And I guess that's ok. I don't really have a choice anyway, do I? I should add that when I first started here more than 4 years ago, DM's were always coming out and interfacing with drivers. Today, well, I haven't seen on DM or operations person anywhere near where the drivers are. Now what does that tell you?
I just ate my second and last sausage, egg and cheese biscuit for lunch. Yummie. There's no real Pepsi in the Pepsi machine. Too unhealthy I imagine. For $1.50 it's either water or Lipton's Diet Green Tea with Citrus. I'll try to tea. Wait a minute, I'll open it up and taste it. Let's me wipe the water from my eyes. Man 'o man is it sugary. No calories, sugar or protein. Looks like urine. And its probably got enough Aspartame to sweeten a Italian wedding cake. At least its cold. But I'm going to have to suffer through each sip.
I'm waiting for my truck to get out of the shop. I know you're just on the edge of your seat wanting to know what happens next. You'll have to wait. Sorry. I know it's rough.
The credit for the photo of me, I mean Shaun the Sheep by Shaun_Sheep is http://www.flickr.com/photos/shaun_the_sheep/2123437262/
