Well I imagine it's good to see that the market today hit 10,000 and JP Morgan/Chase reported high quarterly profits. The world goes on. The question is whether you're a part of it or not. I've been here in Clovis, NM since Sunday, sitting, doing nothing. And the world goes on. And I'm definitely not part of it. And for reasons I cannot explain, the one emotion that is hanging over me like a stalled storm cloud, is self-doubt. There is a pill you can take for depression, and that basically makes you sleep more, which over time lessens the pain of being depressed, but I don't know of a pill for self-doubt.
One thing I am always tired of hearing is that "your depressed? - why you have no reason to be depressed. You have this and that and bla bla bla. The one thing that makes a depressed person more depressed is hearing from anybody else that they don't have anything to be depressed about. Self-doubt is a bit more complicated. I'm just not sure where the emotion comes from. Depression is a surely a chemical thing - an imbalance - but self-doubt I'm not so sure about.
I have definitely lost the wind in my sails. I believe like my addiction to food, I have an addiction to what I perceive as success. And that need is definitely NOT being satisfied right now. It is hard to feel good when you not moving forward -literally.
I believe that self-doubt is the evil sister of depression. The two combined will rapidly overwhelm you despite how bright and sunny the skies might be. Self-doubt can cause you to make bad - desperate -decisions. It's kind of like being unemployed but you're not. Everything in your world becomes irrelevent, second-rate and worst unimportant.
