First some old business. Congrats to the NY Yankees on winning the World Series. I watched two of the games while I was home and wished I could have watched the rest of the games, but I had to get back on the road. Bill Engvall tells a great baseball joke. “A guy comes up to him in a bar and says if Jesus was a baseball player, he would be the greatest baseball player of all time. Engvall replies: “if Babe Ruth were the Messiah, there would be hot dogs and beer at Communion.”
So I’m cruis’n along the highways and byways headed down to Dallas today. I’ve listened to Stern’s shows three times already, the news and the same old music over and over. I wish my Sirius/XM radio was on top of the dash – not in the dash as it would be a heck of a lot easier to find stuff. The stupid truck manufacturers are going having to start moving this shit up in front of the driver so we’re not bending and leaning all over the place getting distracted trying to find things, like something decent to listen to on the 500 satellite radio channels – or is it 200 – whatever.
Before I get stuck in St. Louis bumper to bumper traffic for no apparent reason – I’ve spent so many hours sitting next to that damn silver arch in downtown St. Louis in traffic, it’s pathetic. St. Louis, like Newark, Detroit and Dallas are miserable cities with roads that are falling apart. Instead of having I70, I55, and I44 and whatever else joins in downtown St. Louis – route those damn highways around and away from the city and certainly my life will be a hell of lot easier. What was I saying? Oh yeah, before I got to St. Louis, I start listening to this guy on XM America’s Talk channel 158. Leo somebody -
“the tech guy.” I never heard him before. In fact, I never heard of him period. But he’s good – really good. I can actually understand what he is saying. And he’s nothing like these geeks that get 3 credits at ITT Tech and become these arrogant pain in the ass know it all’s that can’t communicate with a stick. Yeah, they know HTML, but can’t get laid.
The only problem is that after trying to absorb what he is talking about – as interesting as it is – I’m getting a techno-ache. Things are changing so damn fast now that there is no possible way I can keep up with all the latest “gear” that is coming out. And I can’t afford it. And, and – see I’m stuttering from the stress - the other problem I have is that I usually have to go through the Mrs. to get some of this stuff and she doesn’t understand why any of this is necessary. I’ve been trying to get her to upgrade her laptop from Vista to Windows 7, get rid of the cable company as her IP and try Dish TV instead of the rip off service we now use. But no way Jose. No CD in the car, no GPS, no radar detector – it’s all empty pea cans and strings. And it’s frustrating.
So here comes this guy Leo Laporte, who in a matter of 30 minutes shakes up my comfortable techno world. Why am I not podcasting? Why don’t I know what More’s Law is? Or is it Moore’s Law. I never heard of it. What about more microprocessor speeds? Skype? What – who? Save the internet.com? What the heck is an Android – droid phone? DSL Extreme for $14.95? ACTA? EFF.org/action? XBox vs. PS something. Is he referring to Play Station? Why am I not using My Fi? Cradlepoint.com. Who? EVDO signal acquisition? I should know that a PS3 has a Blue Ray player. Blue Ray? Did I know that the new Call To Duty anti-terrorist game comes out Nov 12th? No I didn’t. Halo? Never played it. Should I have?
Ok, this is all too much for me. I’m having a whole boat load of trouble just being the tech guy on my own blog, let alone knowing what else is out there. I’m sure if this Laporte guy saw my laptop he would laugh. He’s constantly pushing a backup service called Carbonite – if that’s how you spell it. I though it was some kind of precious stone or jewelry company. Hell, I never back up anything! This tech-guy is giving me a techno-headache!
But I got to have more. I need to find to find out when he’s on again. Because despite the headache, I have the need to know what else is out there. I hate having a cell phone or PDA that is not 3G. I’d love a X Box to race cars instead of writing stupid blog posts. And I’m tired of having a $200 a month phone bill for what I know is duplicate overlapping cell and internet services. Geez, I need a Prozac. This Laporte guy is going to kill me. I’m so sorry I ever found him on the damn radio. Deep breaths. Deep breathes. Ok I’m Ok. Can’t let all this techno stuff get to me. So when did I say he’s on again?
