Tuesday, November 04, 2008

The HOG!

I'm at one of the best truckstops in America - the Planeview/Mobil Travel Plaza off US41 exit 113 in Oshkosh, WI. Why is it so good? There are two XXL parking lots with NO POTHOLES. It is VERY clean. There are no defined spaces. I always find it amazing how drivers can figure out all by themselves how to efficiency park when there are no lines. Flying J should try it sometime.

And, then there is the food. No buffet. The salad you get is kinda small. It should be double the size. But everything else, especially if it originally had four legs, is delicious. Which brings us to the title of this post - THE HOG! I went inside the restaurant, found a table near one of the two big screen tv's and just wanted to be left alone and feed my face.

I wanted a large bun-less hamburger aka a chopped steak. And that's what, I though, the description said it was going to be. Like you would order the "Super Trucker" or the "10-4 Tanker Burger". I think it was called "the large hog" or something. I ate the little salad. The salad dressing you get is for a much larger salad. It was actually a bowl of french salad dressing. I would have liked some crackers or a roll. Whatever. I did get a large Diet Coke with lots of ice - which is how I like it. I always order a diet drink when I'm planning on consuming 5000 calories. 

I need to say that whenever the time changes and the weather gets cooler - I get hungrier. Even though the temperature up here in Wisconsin was close to 80 degrees today, it's all psychological. The calender says it's November, it's now getting darker earlier and it should be in the 40's and I'm hungry as a bear. Did I tell you that I used to be a bear? Reincarnation? I'll save that story for another time.

So finished the salad. 1/2 the diet soda consumed. Nobody notices me. Things are good. Then, all of a sudden the two swinging kitchen doors fling open wide and my waiter and another waitress bring out three plates that are MY meal. At the same time, the kitchen staff and the rest of the wait staff shout - just like when Norm came into the Cheers bar - HOG HOG HOG HOG HOG!!

Are they talking about me? I've put on a few more pounds lately. No, it turns out that what I ordered is called the HOG. It's not a large bun-less burger, but large-large round "hunk" of ham. As large as a factory clock. It's larger than the plate, in fact, the entire "slice" hangs over the entire "oversized" plate. It has no fat on it. It's all ham and a lot of it. There is a small bone on one side of it. It's the kind of bone Mrs. Grumpy uses when making her famous homemade delicious thick pea soup. 

Besides the ham a large bowl of green peas is included. Two large hot rolls with butter. A large plate of french fries. It's not dinner - it is a feast! I should have invited several other drivers to come over and join me. There was certainly enough food for all. Of course, as the HOG was delivered to my table, everyone was watching. The driver at the table in front of me said "Holy shit!" He wanted to ask if I was actually going to eat the whole HOG, but I shot him the evil eye and he shut up after a second  "Holy shit."

I took a bite of the ham. Yummy. It was broiled. There were two large round slices of grilled pineapple on top. I asked for some mustard. The fries were just ok and unecessary. The peas really good. The rolls very good especially with a few gobs of REAL butter schmeered on them. I told you about the soda. 

Yes, I ate the whole damn thing. And I loved every damn bite of it. The way I see it, I needed that HOG. And if you're hungry and find yourself in Oshkosh, especially in November, give the HOG a try. Invite some friends over to share. Enjoy! GO VOTE! Now for some dessert, just kidding!

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